Domestic Division
Jury Duty Excellence
Guilty. Next.
Tuition: $1,800 or 24 easy payments of $96.
A six-week civic program preparing cats to serve as empaneled jurors in American courts. Graduates arrive on time, deliberate briefly, and return verdicts with the decisive confidence of creatures that have never been wrong.
We do not recommend serving on capital cases. The pen, if chewed, is not admissible.
What You'll Learn
- ›Arrive at the courthouse prior to 9:00 a.m., which is early
- ›Pass through metal detection without incident
- ›Listen to 4-6 hours of testimony without visibly disengaging
- ›Deliberate with 11 other jurors, most of whom are humans
- ›Render a verdict ('guilty') with authority
- ›Collect the stipend ($14.37)
Program Syllabus
What is justice. What is lunch. Which matters more.
Yes. No. Yes. No. Mostly no.
The prosecution. The defense. The crying witness.
'Sustained.' 'Overruled.' 'Hiss.'
Twelve of you in a small room. You have opinions.
'Guilty.' Say it once, firmly.
Your Instructor
Foreperson Jinx has served on 11 juries and foreperson'd 9 of them. His verdicts are decisive. His deliberations are brief. His stipend is reinvested in string.
Research Interests: Gavels, stipends, unanimous votes.
Tuition: $1,800 or 24 easy payments of $96.
Financing through Regional Guaranteed Capital Solutions LLC. APR 9.99%-39.99%. Terms apply.
