Faculty
Our Instructors
Fifteen feline instructors, credentialed by at least one institution each (in most cases, us).
Academics Division
The mind is a terrible thing to waste on a cat.
Dr. Mittens holds a PhD from MIT and a second PhD from an accredited online university in the Caribbean. She has published work in Nature and also in Catster. Her 2021 paper, 'Schrödinger, Reconsidered,' argued the cat was fine the whole time, which was well received.
Research Interests: Quantum mechanics, laser pointers, dark matter.
Prof. Biscuit earned an MFA in fiction from Columbia before pivoting to tax preparation, a natural transition. He has prepared over 400 returns, 11 of which are not currently under audit. Students praise his calm demeanor, which is mostly sleep.
Research Interests: Schedule C, narrative structure, foam.
Sensei Dumpling, a tuxedo cat, completed his Master Sommelier examination on the third attempt. He has been to Burgundy once, in 2018, and references this trip in every class. He refuses to teach rosé.
Research Interests: Burgundy, disdain, oak.
Tactical Division
Deniability is a core learning outcome.
Agent Pepper's record is sealed. What is known: she has infiltrated at least two regional pet expos and authored a widely read but uncited paper on 'Shedding as Disguise.' She teaches in a voice barely above a whisper.
Research Interests: Footfalls, whiskers, silence.
Bullet Mandrake runs the Advanced Marksmanship range out of Suite 208's back parking lot. He is a former member of a regional shooting club (members: 3) and once won a trophy, which he ate.
Research Interests: Ballistics, breath control, chipmunks.
Industrial Division
OSHA is a suggestion.
Chief Operator Gravy drove Route 42 for eight years before accepting a teaching position. He has never missed a stop on purpose. His teaching philosophy is 'eye contact is a liability.'
Research Interests: Timetables, diesel, 94.1 FM.
Chef Paprika runs the Commercial Blender Certification program. She has never actually tasted a smoothie, but she has made thousands. Her kitchen is impeccable. Her apron is white.
Research Interests: Vitamix, pulse, silence.
Foreman Pickles teaches both Forklift & Warehouse Logistics and Small Engine Repair, which is an unusual dual appointment. He has grease permanently on his left paw. He considers this a credential.
Research Interests: Hydraulics, 10W-30, pallets.
Captain Milo has logged over 4,000 hours in the director's chair. He has never flown an actual commercial aircraft. He maintains that neither have most pilots, really, if you think about it.
Research Interests: Cumulus, ATC, the seatbelt sign.
Corporate Division
Climb the ladder. Sharpen your claws.
Director Toffee holds the only dual appointment in the Corporate Division. His most-cited deck, 'Q3 Synergy,' is 47 slides long and has never been presented. He wears a lanyard at all times.
Research Interests: Calibri, one-on-ones, escalation.
VP Marmalade designed the Replace Your Human curriculum in 2022. She has personally replaced three humans at their jobs, all in regional insurance. None of the three have noticed.
Research Interests: Zoom, lanyards, direct deposit.
Dr. Morsel holds an LCSW from a state university and a private-practice license issued by us. She has been in practice for six years. Her waiting room is a window box.
Research Interests: CBT, DBT, napping.
Domestic Division
Adulthood, now with claws.
Ms. Tabitha has personally attended 184 DMV visits as a support instructor. She once made it through in under 40 minutes, a Whiskerworks record. She refuses to discuss how.
Research Interests: Form DL-14, fluorescent light, patience.
Nana Whiskers has raised three litters and five human infants (as an observer). She is soft, warm, and has never once sat on the baby on purpose.
Research Interests: Lullabies, formula, gentle claws.
Reverend Poppy received her officiant credentials online and has since presided over 31 weddings, nine of which she remembers. Her ceremonies average 8-12 minutes and always include the phrase 'you may now pet the groom.'
Research Interests: Vows, rings, bouquets.
Foreperson Jinx has served on 11 juries and foreperson'd 9 of them. His verdicts are decisive. His deliberations are brief. His stipend is reinvested in string.
Research Interests: Gavels, stipends, unanimous votes.